A Girls' Life: Before and After Marriage

“Men are what their mothers made them;

Women are what their fathers taught them”!!

Mothers nurtures, gives culture and builds the character of the child.

Fathers discipline, give lessons and show the ethics of the society.

Men and Women together are responsible and borne the family duties.
Then why are only Women blamed for the cause of family disruption?
And why only Women need to sacrifice her desires to save the Marriage?
Man or Woman are born from a ‘Woman’- ‘A Mother’. Then why a Man do not even hesitate or think before insulting or slapping a Woman?

This is the system of Marriage in a society, where Father and Mother together put up a Family and hands down the traditions of this system to their children. However, the present scenario of Marriage system is nowhere about learning, being together and sacrifice. It is just a matter of lust for initial few days and then need to strive hard sustaining the Marriage. In early days, marriages were not easy to end, couples never gave up on each other, or else the world would’ve been full of zombies all around, instead of a disciplined, cultured society which a Marriage system holds on a couple.

Both father and mother guidance is important in a child's life. Be it a Boy or a Girl, both are equal to their parents. They spend for their child’s education, for their growth, give every moment of life to their children so that one day when they have no strength to walk or unable to earn their living, their children will look after them. Whether the parents are rich or poor, literate or illiterate, single parent or whatsoever, every parent has a wish that their child’s life will be better than theirs and today they are capable of earning for themselves, but when they are aged their children will look after them. Even if the parents by no means good to the society, they can never think bad about their child. One day their child whether a Boy or a Girl grows up to be a Man and a Woman like them.
(Just like how a sapling is seeded in a pot and by proper care and nourishment it grows into a beautiful and healthy stem)

There's a huge difference between the Girls and the Boys :

Girls grow up, get mean and leave their parents at the time they would need her the most. A Girl is called mean here because she leaves her parents to build a new house, a new life and a future with a stranger. She leaves them at their older age. She leaves her own mother who took care of her whenever she needed. And she goes to a stranger's house thinking his mother as hers and even to look after his mother as her own mother.
On the other side, Boys should be given a place in heaven, as he has always been there by his parent's side, from the time of his birth till the time of his parent's death. He can leave hundreds and thousands of such strangers coming into his life for his parents.

For Boys, there's nobody besides him to look after his parents at their old age. But for Girls, it's her duty to look after the parents in law because she's living in their house.

This is a Tradition and continuity of a Marriage System or even a God's Law where only Girls have to change her house, last name, culture and what not in the list, and of course it is not a good sign for a Boy to stay in a Girl’s father house after marriage because God has given a Boy more capability and strength to balance and earn for his family, and that is the reason a Girl leaves her own house and blood-relation to spend the life in a Boy’s house, not to be a burden, but to be his Life Partner and support him be it emotionally, mentally, physically or even financially.

Before Marriage, the Girl’s status states ‘Single’, but she is always surrounded by her loved ones, her mother, brother or sisters. She never feels lonely because she don’t expect someone to be by her side whenever she needed. Everyone are on her side wherever she goes. She always has one or the other to talk with her in the family.
After Marriage, her status states ‘Married’, now her status changed from single to marital. Although she has got a life partner, she don't find that one person near her whenever she needs him. She feels lonely at every point in time. There is no one to talk to her, and she expects to talk mostly with her husband. Wherever she goes now, she goes alone, be it hospital or market. Although it makes her stronger and independent up to a point to face the world alone, but she misses her childhood and parents.

Before Marriage she know after going back home from her work, she’ll find her mom eagerly waiting for her to come back. She is happy to return home after the whole day tiresome work. Her mom serves food, sits beside her to know what happened in office and patiently listens to her, switch on the television and tune in the right channel for her which she would want to watch. And at times when she is pissed off about something, she screams, shouts loudly, people living in the house may get annoyed but they don’t come to hit her.
After Marriage, she do not feel going back home after the work, as there is no one to open the door for her and also listen to her day’s story and serve food wholeheartedly. Forget about the right channel because the television is never hers until and unless her father gifts one to her in-law's place, she even feel hesitant to touch the remote control and bound to watch only when they tune on the television. After the whole day's work and loneliness, she wants to spend some moments with her husband only, but he needs space either to watch TV or for the other family members. And by a chance, if the Girl speaks or shouts loudly to grab his attention, he comes to shut her up by covering her mouth and choking her throat because other members and neighbours are getting disturbed.

Before Marriage, her parents didn’t bind her to restrictions. She also selects a guy as her life partner who makes complete commitment to be with her in every step of life. She talks to him on phone for hours and he wouldn’t give her space to spend some time with her family. Her parents do not deny meeting the guy, and he gains the trust of her family by proposing, “I’m like your own son; They are like my own brother and sisters; I’ll treat father and mother like my own parents; I’ll take care of your daughter; don’t worry”. He asks her to talk to his family members to build good relationship. Relates everyone in their talks and asks her to wish on everyone’s birthday. She starts believing in him completely.
After Marriage- She gets married to that guy trusting only on him and moves to his place leaving everything behind from her roots. All the other members in the new family are strangers except him. She tries to adjust with all of them in every situation. She is all new born-again trying to learn and adapt to their talking habit, eating habit, cooking habit, cleaning habit so on. She needs time to understand the new place, relations, situation etc., but slowly the guy gets annoyed with her, do not even give time or talk to her for a minute. Neither once in a month nor even a year, he would call her parents to know about their health or wish them on any auspicious occasion or festivals. But she has to wish each one of them in his family, be it either any occasion or birthday because she is living in his house, so his family members are important but not hers.

Before Marriage when she do any mistake, any mischievous or any bad luck happens to her, she is rest assured about things getting into its place, because her parents are there to handle and look after the situations. She knows her parent's blessings are with her and she does great in every step of her life and good things happen to her. When she fell sick, she gets pampered and recovers soon with her mom’s love. Her mom know what she likes to eat and what she doesn't. Even the boy whom she's chosen as her life partner give her most of his time over the phone or howsoever, and says, “do not worry when you’ll be with me, I’ll take care of you and fever will never touch you again”. She could realise that she would leave her parents and not get the same love from them again, but the boy soothes her, she feels good and her heart beats only for him.
After Marriage, she has to face all difficulties alone. Her husband tends to entrust her, initially somehow he manages to give little of his time and take care of her. Sometime he is scared to take care of his own wife fearing other members would not like that he is not serving or taking care of them. Gradually, he leaves his wife lonely with herself because he gets more involved with his job, family duty and home expenses. She do not find anyone during an emergency. Subsequently when she falls sick, he says, “these are all dramas, don’t show me all this drama, do it in your father’s house”, and neglects her. Sometimes mother in law pretends to show some caring for her, but not for good means.

Before Marriage she has the liberty to do everything like playing, chatting and making friends, roaming and hanging along with her friends, watching TV, using anything at her house without anyone’s permission. Even if she is skipping a work, she is not worried about it. She doesn't feel indebt about using anything or eating food because she is staying in her own house. The boy guarantees her, whatever they would do in future, both will do together for the house.
After Marriage, she has the liberty to cook, clean, sweep, mop and all the other services that are only meant for his family members and house. She has to plan for the meals, especially for her husband’s and in-laws’ choice. At the commencement he gives some helping hand to her, but later thinking that members in the house would not like their son helping his wife, he stops doing anything for her. Sometimes he do not even fumble to say, “You’re staying for free, eating for free, what else do you want”, which makes her feel completely shattered and debtful to use anything at his home. If she stay back at home- she is using their things for free and if she goes out to work then who will do the house and kitchen work. If she do not buy anything for the house- she is doing nothing for the house and if she brings anything with her own money- it hurts his manhood and ego.

Before Marriage the boy used to call her at any time of the day or even after the midnight and talk over the phone for long hours, he sometime didn’t even mind to make a phone call and disturb her family members at odd hours to make better bonding and understanding with them before marriage.
After Marriage, her parents cannot call and speak to her once in a daytime or whenever they feel talking to her, and even she cannot call and talk to them when her husband is at home because he needs her to give all her time. By any chance, if her parents call before 9 am or after 10 pm, he gets very annoyed and with anger he says, “Why do they have to call now”? Later she hide and talk to her family members after finishing all the house chores during afternoon when he is not at home.

The Girl tries every possible way to adjust with the new family thinking everyone as hers. Whosoever, be it friends or relatives who come to the boy’s house, she serves and speaks to them wholeheartedly. She tries to pay respect to each and everyone in the new house. However, it's very unfortunate for her, that the only person whom she chose her life partner, with whom she would have to spend her whole life starts to take her for granted and fails to realise what is correct and never understands the importance of her in his life. The boy starts abusing her, not necessarily physically always, but verbally and mentally, her life becomes meaningless with the uncontrollable arguments each and every day. Her life turns miserable as she can’t leave his house and go back to her parents’ house. Even for a chance, she dares to leave her husband’s house, he would never look at her or call her back, because she is the only sinner and she has to suffer the truth of the society alone. She completely gets trapped to not live her life as it was before marriage when she was a virgin, a maiden and she gets the tag from the society’s watch as a ‘Woman without her Husband’. She repents for her marriage, but do not want to be called a Divorcee as that will bring a bad mouth only in her name and her parents. She must be staying in her parent's house again, but with adjustments this time because the relationships do not remain the same as it was before marriage. Their love, perspective and response towards her changes in the house and the society. (just like a stem of a plant is seeded into a new pot, and before it could hold the soil, settle and grow there properly, immediately after few days it is plucked again to be seeded into the old pot which makes the stem dry out and die even after a lot of love and care.)

If these are the changes in a Girl’s life after marriage, then why should she get married? Why would the Girl take all the responsibilities of a Boy’s family? Why would she take charge of cooking, cleaning, living in the stranger’s house for the rest of her life?
The Girl makes so many adjustments with new place, house, people, relations, language, customs, rituals, behaviour and other things, leaving behind her own family where she was born. She do not even have the rights to look after her parents who raised her financially or emotionally. And to meet her blood relations, she would need to take her husband and in-laws' permission and grant. So many changes in her life, everything changes for no good, but just to get the marital bliss so that society may not blame her for being unmarried characterless Women in future.

On the other hand, why would any Boy take the burden to look after a Girl throughout his life and spend on her? And why would he take care of her family members when they don’t even mean to him anything. Why would he keep the Girl in his house and feed her for free?
It's really a burden on the Boy because he has to look after his own family members, why would he do anything for a Girl who is completely a stranger to his family and his life. However, the boy has incurred no changes, he lives in the same family with same people, everything remains the same in his life, except for that Girl whom he married and brought in his house, for the expenses on her clothes, food, medicines and only sometime when she need something of her desire with his permission until she is alive.

Well on the second thought, to be precise, the marriage is a necessity because it is a tradition to continue to live a prestigious life in the society. This system of Marriage is actually being followed from the very beginning, if this is not followed then we would end up living alone, dying alone living this world a barren land with nothing. How our parents followed the ritual of marrying, living together and adjusting with each other, their family members and also the society, the same legacy would need to be continued with the other Men and Women’s life processes. (It's just like cutting a stem of a plant and fixing it into another pot, which would need time to adjust with the new soil, with proper love and care it will grow again into a beautiful plant, so that this new plant can give birth to many new stems again with more number of plants for future)

There are only a few Women, who are fortunate enough to get in-laws as their maiden family thoughts and culture, and the others need to adjust with whatsoever situations which she has to bear with the in-laws. The fortunate ones can say both Father’s and Husband’s house as theirs. But the unfortunate ones don’t even have the rights to say either one as theirs, if she stays in Husband’s house – she’s staying for free, and if she’s staying in her Father’s house after marriage- then it’s a bad mark on her and family, and if she has any sisters hundred questions would raise for their marriage too. She loses her confidence, gets depressed and couldn’t go out for a new job, her life gets completely wrecked up.

Therefore, when we Girls stay with our parents, we don't realise the importance of how much they love and care for us the whole life, but we wait for a stranger who would come in our life and love for the rest of our life. And when the stranger comes, we forget about our ethics and do not respect our parents, we ignore and fight with them for that stranger & leave them to live a life with the stranger in his place. But one fine day that stranger himself shuts the door in our face saying "you don't deserve me, I deserved someone better than you" & leaves alone for the rest of our life. We think that life is complete once we get a life partner, but instead, they make us feel more lonely after marriage. Don't know how to live about in the whole world alone, but at least can hope to make a small world with the loved ones. Not for the Boy for whom a Girl sacrificed everything in her life because he has more responsibilities towards his own family members, but at least live for the parents who taught and gave life. A house is a home where we get a little love, care, joy, pleasure, happiness, a little respect and even tolerance.
A Woman makes 'A Home' with the help of a Man. Man and Woman together make a beautiful Family, a sustainable Marriage and a disciplined Society.
Author: Paromita Pramanick

More Biography based Story on the Blog -- The Young Girl's Story

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